People ask me ‘Don’t you feel lonely’, and I say ‘I am not lonely, just alone, and I revel in solitude.’ .They raise their eyebrows, thinking, no doubt, ‘she is lying,poor thing.Its sad.Alone, sick, living in a small flat after the ‘castle by the sea’, the servants, cars…of course she misses it.’ And they smile condescendingly. The truth is I am happy here, I’m free, ---that was no castle, for me, it was a dungeon. I spin my yarns….
''It had started on a high note, ‘finally I have my space ’to ‘love being independent to do my own thing’ and slowly traversed a rocky road from solitude ,to being alone, to a numbing, silent loneliness. A loneliness that crashed around her ,followed her ,waited for at the end of the day like a bored lover. She walked through deeply wooded uneven lanes, uncertain ,with no destination ,no plans
She muttered to herself ‘A wandering minstrel ,I,A thing of rags and patches’, and she smiled wryly and a bit angrily at this sort of ‘self pity’. She walked silently, hands tucked in her jacket, she whistled tunelessly. A high profile career ,a broken marriage, the ups and downs of life….Her days were jammed with meetings ,clients ,work, endless cups of coffee, a string of cigarettes, and a stream of people. She never socialized ,unless it was for work, she lived alone , she suffered alone ,her work never suffered, her heart and soul did. She wondered ‘ He left me because he felt I was too cold ,career minded, independent , odd he married me for virtually the same reasons ,besides the word ‘cold’. She sat down on a tree stump, lit her umpteenth cigarette, and wondered ‘why’.
She never noticed the man sitting next to her ,until he spoke ‘ Don’t be so sad, he wasn’t worth it’. She jerked ‘Excuse me?’ The tall ,dark ,handsome , ‘Mills and Boon’ character smiled ,dimpled ,dazzled with his pristine teeth, and twinkled with his deep blue eyes. She was neither impressed or amused. She waited for an explanation, none was forthcoming ,she waited. Patience was one of her virtues ,but not a strong one. He tipped an imaginary hat ‘Hello, my name is Lucas Shaw, pleased to finally meet you ,Ms.Kaul’ She stared at his proffered hand ,shrugged ,said ‘Finally meet me?’ Lucas smiled ‘After all the business we have done with your company..’ he trailed off. She understood, she knew who he was ,she quickly made amends ‘Hello, Mr .Shaw, I didn’t realize I was talking to the legendary Mr.Shaw of Shaws Inc. I apologise. Pleased to meet you, but what are you doing here ?’ ‘Waiting for you’ That was a strange reply, his company was one of their most important clients ,but it made no sense…..she was at a loss for words.
The shadows were falling ,the sun was saying its farewells, the darkness was descending, it was time for her to return home. It was as if he read her mind ‘ Its quite safe here, don’t be worried I will walk you home, but I have a proposition, please hear me.’ She nodded ,more out of a sense of commitment to her work ,than any desire to talk or hear. ‘ Ms.Kaul, Juhi, if I may call you that, I want you to join me..’ Juhi interrupted ‘Mr.Shaw , that is very kind, but I am not going to leave my job, no matter how good your offer maybe. I started this company with my other colleagues, and today we are doing very well, its my baby. Thanks, but no thanks ‘’Lucas smiled again ‘I wasn’t asking you to leave your company, I was going to ask you to marry me’ She jumped, a thunderbolt struck her ,she was shocked, almost aghast, she even wondered whether she was hallucinating, ‘he was one of the richest men in the world, he was sitting on a tree trunk asking her to marry him…crazy.’ She got up abruptly ‘Is that a joke? If so, its not very funny…..’ Lucas smiled again ‘Its no joke, I mean it. Will you marry me?’ Juhi took a long breath ‘Why are you asking me, you don’t even know me?’ ‘I do. I have always loved you ,you have always eluded me’ She got up ,started to walk away ,darkness had fallen. She really didn’t know whether he was Mr.Shaw, and his proposal was bizarre. She broke into a run ,he followed. ‘You haven’t answered me ‘’She ran faster ,maybe he was a lunatic ,or a rapist ,serial killer or worse. She heard him laughing ‘I am not any of these. I just love you ,always have, I want to marry you’ She stopped ,astonished, but beguiled ‘Always? We have never met before.’
Lucas was silent. They reached her house ,her home ,and she wasn’t going to call a freak inside, but they were inside. He was pouring her a glass of wine along with one for himself. She felt almost violated, but her curiosity reigned. He clinked his glass ,said ‘To us ‘’Oddly she responded. The wine crept into her veins, warming ,soothing, calming, oddly reassuring, she relaxed, she smiled ,she asked ‘ I don’t understand, you have always loved me, how.. you have never met me’ Lucas sipped his wine ‘Not in this life ,but in every other….and you always eluded me’ His handsome face grew dark, fierce ,almost ugly, she felt a tingling fear ,he laughed it away ‘Sorry I was so abrupt. Can we have dinner ,so we get to know each other, and then you can think about my proposal?’She wondered why had she eluded him, that is ,if she had eluded him…he was handsome, charming ,wealthy….
And suddenly she knew, remembered, felt the searing pain of betrayal, the loss of faith ,the repulsion ,the loathing. Satan tempting her ,her refusals ,his fall ,his days as Lucifer ‘’the shining one’’ The twists ,turns ,the torturous days, when he pursued her ,and she refused him. Their love ,doomed ,forbidden. He fell from grace forever ,she became human, no longer an angel. Both of them so similar.. why not ,they were siblings…..he was her brother ,and she his ‘forbidden’ love , it ended, he lived in Hell ,she survived on earth……he pursued her through every life ,she escaped, she would not commit a mortal sin. Satan didn’t care…she did.''
